The Road Back

In a written expression of my vows, I decided to use the moment to bear witness to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. What better an introduction to my in-laws than to glorify the One who brought us into covenant? 

Beyond our wedding, I’ve continued to think about the core sentiment of that message. It surrounded this idea of returning to Christ after hiatus, but even more importantly, the process of reintroducing myself to God with an open heart. I know dozens of Believers who’ve struggled with this, so I began asking myself: What’s transpired over the past decade that allowed for a lukewarm Christian to begin sharing their faith unashamedly? Where did the breakdown even occur? Why did I feel compelled to share a testimony of character reformation on my wedding date? 

Not before long, I was led to Ezekiel 36 — a passage that illustrates restoration for a nation who had lost its way. Israel had been scattered among foreign lands and left exposed as a result of multi-generational disobedience. Their reputation as a nation brought great shame to the Lord’s name, but he was determined to use their condition to demonstrate his holiness. Not by abandoning them, but by rebuilding them from the inside out. And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations (Ezekiel 36:26-27, NLT). The chapter ends with God professing an eagerness to fulfill his promises, while also inviting to Israel to seek Him out for their restoration. In other words, God initiates the transformation but the Israelites were still tasked with reorienting themselves with God (Ezekiel 36:37-38, NLT). An if that’s true, it raises the question: How do we accomplish this in our own lives after hurt, shame, or disappointment tempts us to build an identity around our pain and lose our belief in God?

Below, I hope to share what I’ve learned from my journey back to Christ, as a framework for anyone hoping to do the same. Please note that, these stages aren’t linear, but can act as a guide for anyone lacking direction.

Safety  

Now more than ever, people are desperate for spaces where they can show up genuinely to build authentic connection(s). Communities where they can show up flawed, yet be embraced in all their weakness and imperfection. Historically, the church has been a place of refuge for those needing of relief from life’s trials. Over time, it seems there’s been a shift, with some Believers feeling disconnected from traditional models of the church. Often times, not because of Christ himself, but because certain expressions of Christianity left them wounded, rather than on the receiving end of God’s unfailing Love (Titus 3:3-7, NLT).

To truly begin to understand God and His character, you have to spend time with Him. Because what’ll happen is, the more familiar with Him that you become — the better you’ll be able to discern what is of Him and what’s a product of something else. What is from God will always align with his text (the Bible). So, the closer you are to His word, the less reliance you’ll have for someone else’s interpretation of Him. Think of things similarly to how you would a natural Father-Child relationship; especially a dynamic that’s been strained. On the front-end, you know it’ll require a level of willingness to re-engage, but even more importantly, it’ll require an element of safety present, that allows you to meet our Lord at a place of common Truth. Because it’s only then, when we can come to God honestly, that true healing can begin to take shape in our lives. If you’ve struggled with that, Deuteronomy 31 reminds us that The Lord himself goes before us. So, as his children, all he needs from us is a Step in Faith.

Trust

Following disappointment it’s natural to look for someone or something to blame. People often cannot accept that their own behavior, lapses in judgement, or circumstances beyond their control, may have led to their condition. In this phase, it's common for folks to become frustrated, defame others, and/or turn their backs on God; even if he wasn’t the source of their distress. In doing so, it provides them with a sense of relief, as they navigate the discomfort of their situation. Unfortunately, some individuals get stuck within this cycle and never truly mature because they fail to gain understanding. Proverbs 4:7 tells us that pursuing wisdom is the most sensible thing we can do. But how can we gain understanding if we aren’t willing to go through anything or examine ourselves? It’s important to note that, as we seek to gain trust in the Father, this will not come without difficulty; especially if the challenges we’re facing are sent by him. So, you have to be willing to take steps forward without total clarity, before God will bless you with revelation. The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all words of this law (Deuteronomy 29:29, NKJV).

Reflection

As you strengthen your capacity to trust in God, the practice of Self Reflection will become essential to your growth. Reflection is a tool that can be used in tandem with counseling or therapy, but separate in the sense that it’s uniquely personal to your individual walk with God. Some may consider prayer or meditation, as acts of reflection, but essentially, it’s a spiritual discipline that takes you from solely suppressing your emotions, to a place of bringing your innermost thoughts and concerns before God. There are some things the Lord can only reveal to us in private. The Bible often highlights silence, stillness, and rest in connection to spiritual clarity. Jesus often withdrew from large crowds to isolated places to pray and worship (Matthew 14:23, NLT). In today’s context, the hope is that with enough practice with the spiritual disciplines of prayer, meditation, journaling, and/or personal reflection, the insights gained from these encounters, will begin to strengthen your wisdom over time. There’s a book in the Bible called Lamentations that serves as a biblical standard of what it looks like to explore grief, unpack difficult emotions and experiences. In layman’s terms, lamenting is the act of mental and emotional processing.

Repair

This stage is what we’ll call The Work and The Work can be described as a bit of a beautiful mess. This is where our pain is repurposed and our grief is mitigated over time through corrective action. In this phase, we’re not just casually waiting to hear from God, but intentionally positioning ourselves to receive revelation. This may look like doing the work of addressing limiting beliefs, refining skillsets, renegotiating relationships, developing new commitments, and more (Philippians 2:12-13, NLT). This is past diagnosis, we’re fully immersed in the process of character formation. And if done faithfully, you may begin to see fruit in the form of: unexpected apologies, deepened relationships, clearer boundaries, a renewed image of God. Overtime, maybe even, an improved quality of life. The process of repair is largely about getting the most out of your insights from God and using them to course correct your life. 

Integration

Following repair, we have what I’ll call Integration. And this phase is all about returning to self—only wiser. This is when the shadow work of the previous stages begins to come to light. By now, you might sense that things are changing, but you probably haven’t stuck with anything long enough for it to become a habit. The good thing is, usually when folks get to this leg in the journey, you’re already operating with greater maturity; so at-the-least, you’ve already become more aware. And awareness, in tandem with intentional focus, can set you on a path toward greater alignment, purposeful living, and fulfillment. This stage doesn’t mean you no longer experience issues, it just means you have wider more range in your toolkit to pull from when adversity hits. So, as you incorporate new insights, skills, and beliefs into daily routines, be sure to hold space for yourself, as you put it all together (Proverbs 4:18, NIV). Remember, it’s your first time here!

Embodiment

By this point, I hope you feel as much inspiration as I feel excitement to share this message with you. If you’ve made it this far, I hope there was at-least one idea you took away from this piece or feel compelled to share with someone else. Oddly enough, I started writing this piece over a month ago, before being hospitalized for a span of twelve days. This incident came only a couple weeks into my marriage, where my wife and I, were in-front of a group of doctors who told us: If I hadn’t got checked out when I did, there’s a high-chance I wouldn’t be here before you today. And although I was shocked, I never truly lost my faith. Of course, there were moments when I was weak and distressed, but in those times, I relied harder upon God for his strength. And as the days began to pass, I slowly realized that the enemy must be really afraid that this article is going to free somebody, granting a win for the Kingdom of God (Luke 15:3-7, CEV). So, instead of sitting in my bed sulking, I needed to have the attitude that I would be eventually going home and using this experience as part of a larger testimony some day.

Ultimately, I wrote this piece because I know first-hand what it’s like to stray away from God, to get so consumed by the world, and go through the motions of everyone of the above stages; sometimes without realizing. But if you were wondering, this is what Embodiment looks like. It’s when the things you’ve committed to, slowly become your new way of life. So, no matter what life throws at you, you hold onto your Faith because you’ve been prepared because you’ve practiced (Ephesians 6:13-15, NIV). What the devil hates more than anything is when Believers wake up to their true identities and begin fighting in the Spirit. This explains why he’ll go to extreme lengths try and diminish your belief system, but we won’t let him win! Know that God is waiting for you whenever you receive this message. And as long as you repent, the Lord will be more than willing meet you halfway, when you’re ready for a heart transformation. Be blessed.